How Much Stress Should We Have
Our Parent Association will be showing a film called “Race to Nowhere” on Tuesday, May 22nd to members of the Pike community and the larger public. It has become quite a popular documentary that has been shown to parent groups all over the country. You can learn about the film and the many initiatives connected to it by going to www.racetonowhere.com. From having read reviews of the film, I knew that the main idea was that we are raising a generation of children who are stressed out to the point of depression and even suicide. As you know from our effort to have our community read Wendy Mogel’s The Blessings of a B-, we are concerned that our students are growing up in a much different climate than some of us might remember where there are more expectations and commitments and less time for children to explore on their own and find ways to entertain themselves. Therefore, I was surprised at my reactions to “Race to Nowhere.”
The movie relies on testimonials and case studies from many students and parents to tell its story. Many of the students (who seem to be mostly of high school age) describe a relentless onslaught of hours upon hours of homework, athletic and artistic commitments, and adults who do not seem to understand the toll of these expectations. A particularly poignant moment is the commentary of a mother whose daughter committed suicide despite having seemed to be successful and well adjusted. It is a haunting section of the film and raises the level of parental anxiety we all have for the well-being of our children. Are we expecting too much or not enough? Are we being too strict or too lenient? Are we giving them the appropriate amount of autonomy or are we failing to meet our parental responsibilities? The director of the film makes a strong case for giving children more time to create, daydream, play, and spend time with friends by ratcheting back our expectations. If they are given less homework, have fewer tests and instead have more ongoing assessments and belong to fewer teams, clubs or groups, then they will enjoy school more which could lend itself to more effective long-term learning. What do you think?
I have come to believe that when looking for a solution, the best place to start is often somewhere in the middle. Are there children who are drowning in a sea of expectations and at real risk? Certainly. Their stories are the most powerful and the ones that stick in our minds. However, my experience tells me that those stories are often very complicated and can represent the exception rather than the rule. We rarely find one plan that serves the needs of all children. I fear as a society that we have come to define stress as a negative in all circumstances. The reality is that stress is an important part of life as is learning to cope with it. Too often as a parent and teacher, I have let the tears of a student or child of my own spur me to action to make things better. I am certain there were more than a few occasions where those children would have been better served by letting them learn that they were capable of finding a solution to the stressful situation they were facing.
This film has done the public a big service by continuing the centuries-old dialogue about how to best raise our young people. I believe that some of them do need relief from the stresses in their lives while others could use more challenges than they currently face. The ability to make those decisions effectively is a big part of the reason I have always been an advocate of independent school education. By combining committed and talented teachers with relatively small classes and advisor/anchor groups with caring and supportive parents, we have the wonderful opportunity to view each child as an individual and tailor their program accordingly.
